Shana Tovah!

It's the Jewish New Year today... so Shana Tovah!

When I lived in Jerusalem, this holiday was one of the many I was able to observe and participate in... the city literally shuts down for these high holy days. No public transportation or services, cars are banned from the road (in the Jewish parts of the city), and any businesses owned/operated by Israelis are closed. I found a brief and accurate description of the holiday for those curious souls.

Tonight at sundown marks the beginning of Rosh Hashanah, a two-day holiday that celebrates the start of the Jewish New Year. It ushers in the 10 day period known as the “Days of Awe” or the “Days of Repentance”, which culminates in Yom Kippur, the “Day of Atonement.”

Rosh Hashanah is a festive holiday, celebrated by attending extended synagogue services with special prayers and liturgical songs. The shofar, usually a ram’s horn, is blown multiple times throughout the day, which gives the holiday its other name, the Feast of Trumpets. Traditionally, the shofar announces the beginning of the New Year, the anniversary of the creation of the world as well as G_d’s sovereignty over the universe. It also serves as a spiritual call to reflection and repentance in preparation for the coming Day of Atonement.

Another tradition, known as Tashlikh, (casting off) involves going to a flowing body of water and emptying one’s pockets into the water or casting pieces of stale bread into the water – both are meant to symbolize the casting off of one’s sins. Sweet foods are eaten during meals with family and friends, such as apples and honey, raisin challah, honey cake and pomegranates meant to symbolize hope for a sweet new year.

So go get yourself some challah bread and have yourself a Shana Tovah!

Patterns of Light

Today our RS lesson was on Light and receiving Revelation. We watched the 3-part Patterns of Light videos, taken from a talk by Elder David A. Bednar in the April 2011 General Conference. The videos are beautifully done, but even more beautiful is the simplicity and plainness with which Elder Bednar is able to teach these Gospel truths.

After each video, we had some great discussion about the principles being taught. Although these principles are not new to me, I definitely felt more illuminated from having examined them all through a microscope and studying them more directly. I suppose since a microscope uses light to help with magnification the analogy is fitting.

These videos are just too beautiful not to share, so enjoy! And hopefully you can feel as enlightened as I did.

Part I: The Light of Christ

Part II: Discerning Light

Part III: Spirit of Revelation

I keep a little nightlight in my bathroom so that when I get up in the middle of the night I don't have to turn on the bright lights and hurt my eyes. Going from total darkness into bright lights can be quite painful actually, so our eyes naturally squint to allow them time to adjust. It occurred to me again during this lesson just how important this adjustment period is for revelation, too. There is a reason why we NEED to learn line upon line, precept upon precept. I thought of Alma the Younger, who saw an angel of God and KNEW the Gospel to be true, and yet still he testified that he fasted and prayed many days in order to know of these things for himself. Saul (aka Paul) saw the Resurrected Christ and was literally BLINDED by the Light for several days... giving his heart and mind time to adjust to the new truths he had learned in a miraculous instant, as well as giving him the opportunity to receive or reject these truths. So even when we do have a spiritual "light switch" moment, our spiritual eyes still have to adjust. We still need time to search, ponder, and pray until our hearts and minds are once again in tune and include the new truths we have just come to know. In other words, we need time to understand. It is one thing to know, and quite another to understand. Therefore, I think the times when we receive spiritual "light switch" moments are often when we need them as a catalyst to open our hearts and minds up to the "sunrise" and "foggy day" revelatory experiences that will most assuredly follow.

Did Joseph Smith see God the Father and Jesus Christ in the Sacred Grove? Absolutely! He had his "light switch" moment. But I guarantee that the next few years following that experience were full of daily moments of tender mercies, brief glimpses of understanding, continuing prayer and scripture study, sin and repentance, and especially fogginess as to what he should do next. So as glorious as it would be to see God and His Son, and have them tell me their divine plan for my life, I know I would not be nearly as prepared and willing to obey it if I knew it all from the beginning. It would be too daunting, too overwhelming. Sheesh! The next two weeks feel overwhelming enough, I can hardly imagine having to know about the next 5 or 10 or 30 years. So from now on, I'm going to be grateful for my "foggy day"personal revelation... because even though it is foggy, it is personal!

I hate it when a book series doesn't feel completely resolved at the end, leaving room for one more book, and leaving you wanting to read it... and yet the author does not share in the need for another book. Of course I can neatly wrap up the story in my own imagination, but if I wanted to do that then I would be an author and not a reader. Aye well, it isn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last time that I've felt this way... wanting... haha.

Family History... I'm doing it!

I was out of Primary before that song became a part of the repertoire, but I had a companion who would always sing it. Of course, that's the only line I remember... but at least it's the most important one!

While I was working on some family history research a couple weeks ago, I felt impressed to google the town where this particular family was from (Wirksworth, Derbyshire, England) and learn more about the area. When I did so, a website came up that mentioned parish records, so I clicked on it. And lo and BEHOLD! Parish records manna from heaven!

I learned that the Wirksworth Parish records were so complete that a particular project had been undertaken to make them ALL available online, organized in various ways, from the 17th-20th centuries. It was the Genealogy Jackpot! With help from these records, I've been able to add about 3-4 complete generations on multiple family lines, adding more than 150 names to my family tree, and finding more than 100 names for the Temple!

I was so engrossed, enthralled, elated, exhilarated that I almost pulled an all-nighter that first night I found this website. My eyes started to blur as I'd been staring at the screen for HOURS, so I looked at the clock to determine if I should go to bed... it read 4:30AM. Yep. I should DEFINITELY go to bed! haha So I reluctantly finished up the name I was working on and called it quits. But I've now been back to the website several times to continue the work and it's incredible how much information I'm still finding! Of course there are still some temporary dead-ends with missing information, as there will always be. But I have found SO MANY ancestors in such a short amount of time! And with relatively little effort. I can't even describe the high I get from finding my ancestors. I wrote once before that I'd been swallowed whole by the Spirit of Elijah, and that same feeling has returned. What is even more exciting is that Wirksworth is only about 60 miles from where I'll be living for the next year... plenty close for me to visit and do some more in-depth research! What great fortune!!!

Preparations

So I am on about round 3 of packing... I knew it wouldn't be easy to cut everything down to 50 lbs, but  let's just say I'm glad I started early. I got to the point where I decided I'd give in and take a second suitcase. Then I looked up the checked baggage allotments for my flight. Well, my ticket says AirFrance, operated by Delta. And they both have different allowances for international flights. And different allowances in between the US and Europe and within Europe. So depending on which rules they decide to enforce for my ticket I could be paying up to $100 for a second bag. I know everything I take is supposed to keep me for a year+, so $100 shouldn't seem out of the question. But I'm cheap. And more importantly, poor. So alas, I'm back to just 50lbs. However I have grudgingly added a carry-on suitcase, which I really had hoped to avoid... but it seems to be the best compromise of all my options... a little more weight and free.

Other than that I'm checking more things off my list everyday. I've gotten rid of two boxes of clothes, removed all the plants from the yard that died in the freeze, deep cleaned about half the house, took family photos, gave in and finally bought a new computer that doesn't crash every 20 min, and have found about 100+ more names for the temple... which I'll probably post about later. I've also been reading like a fiend, going to the library at least twice a week to refresh my supply. And I still have a long to-do list for my internship with WVN. But being so busy has been a great blessing! I don't even have time to think or worry about the reality of what moving to a foreign country will actually be like, let alone going back to school. Good thing, too, or I might psyche myself out! God continues in His goodness and mercies, and I'm grateful He's in all the details of my life!

It's real!

My passport arrived today with my UK Entry Clearance Visa... so I just bought my ticket. It's real! I'm REALLY going to the UK!!

And I may or may not be flying on September 11... 

Progress

Since that miraculous day, many other tender mercies have continued to appear in my life. Since I've mostly been wearing all of my mother's clothes since I got home from my mission, I knew I would have to acquire a few articles of my own in order to leave her closet behind. I've found truly incredible deals. I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say my sister now refuses to shop without me, because my "luck" has been so outrageous. haha

And just this morning I received an email saying that my UK Student Visa has been issued. This was the last puzzle piece to fall into place to make it all irrevocably official. I can now buy my plane ticket and start the rigorous process of packing, which will inevitably involve at least 2 re-packs. 

Has the day of miracles ceased?

"Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought..." -Moroni 7:35, 37

But Behold, I will show unto you a God of miracles, even the God of Abraham... and it is that same God who created the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are.
Behold, are not the things that God hath wrought marvelous in our eyes? Yea, and who can comprehend the marvelous works of God?
And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.
-Mormon 9:11, 16, 19

The Book of Mormon prophets always seem to articulate my feelings and testimony so much better than I can. It seemed a fitting introduction and testament for the events I'm about to relate.

A couple weeks ago, the heavens opened up their windows and started pouring out blessings upon me... all on the same day. 

After much fasting, prayer, and temple attendance this summer, I received an email telling me I'd been awarded the University of Birmingham-Santander Postgraduate Scholarship. Miracle! Now my tuition fees are about the same cost as my semester in Jerusalem, which seems entirely manageable in the way of debt.

That same morning I also received all of the information and paperwork necessary to finalize my housing arrangements. This housing literally fell into my lap... working out better than I ever could have done if I had tried to do it myself. Miracle!

There was also an email telling me that my student loan had been approved, which was the crucial step to making all this happen. And since I'm an international, postgraduate student without a cosigner, there was only ONE option for a student loan... so if it hadn't been approved, everything else would've been for naught. Miracle!

I also received a response from a job application I had submitted earlier in the summer, and I had an interview that afternoon. The job was with a house cleaning company. When I told her I'd received a scholarship and a loan and so would definitely be leaving for school in September, she decided she could only hire me as "on-call" for big deep cleans or other one-time jobs, but still that's a potential for earning money that I otherwise would not have had. It might help pay for an eye exam, or dental appointment, both of which I really need but cannot afford. So, miracle!

I am not sure why that all of these blessings were delivered at the same time, but it was an incredible, miraculous display of God's love for me, and His power to truly do all He can to bless me. And it was just one more stamp of approval and reassurance that going to England is definitely what God wants me to do.

#stuporofthought

Have you ever watched a friend struggle with a decision when you can see the bigger picture and therefore the obvious decision, but they aren't ready to hear it?

Well today, that friend sought out my advice and I was finally able to share my perspective. Not gonna lie, it felt REALLY good to get it off my chest. And in the process, she was able to realize that it's the answer she's known all along, but didn't like... so was basically just buying time hoping that the answer would change. It hasn't.

The whole experience has reminded me about how we each receive personal revelation differently, and in the manner which will be most beneficial to us. I think the reason that I was able to recognize an obvious decision in my friend's dilemma is because it was being given to her in a manner which I often receive my own revelation: stupor of thought.

I remember the first time I received an answer to a prayer with a stupor of thought... I was 15 and a newly called MiaMaid class president. I was praying about who to call as my presidency, and one of the names I took the Lord that I'd felt confident about beforehand, I couldn't even remember who I was praying about by the time the prayer ended. And I was really confused because I had a REALLY good memory... and the Spirit opened my mind to understand that it was a stupor of thought.

Since then I've had several more experiences, that were all a lot more muddled and soul-wracking, and it's taken me A LOT longer to recognize my inability to make a decision as a stupor of thought and therefore an answer from the Lord. I had an experience with this a few months ago, and my mom gently reminded me that I often receive revelation via stupor of thought. I was 1) floored that my mother had been in tune enough to recognize that about me when I had a hard time recognizing and remembering that about myself... and it's MY personal revelation! And 2) grateful that she was able to remind me of this. It was just the re-calibration that my soul needed in order to make the decision.

So all of that made it glaringly obvious to me that my dear friend wasn't suffering from anything more than an answer to her many prayers, but an answer she wouldn't recognize because she wasn't ready to follow through with the consequences of said answer. Well, she must've finally prepared herself to act on her personal revelation, because the clouds finally parted and she was able to see the decision more clearly. Of course she still didn't like it, because it will be hard and painful, but she's finally ready to offer up her will in faith that Heavenly Father WILL fulfill ALL His promises to her in some other way.

We've all been there, multiple times. And yet, each new decision and faith-filled action that offers up our hearts to God, piece by painful piece, normally doesn't get easier with more practice. However, I think this is the very condition that Christ referred to when He said, "And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit." (3 Nephi 9:20) But of course God never gives us a commandment without also including a promise, just as Christ does in the next sentence: "And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost...." Just as with my friend, the condition of her heart was a pre-requisite for the promised blessing of having the Holy Ghost part the clouds of indecision and enlighten her mind with understanding of the revelation she'd already received.

I'm proud of her, but I know that Heavenly Father is even more so. Only He can truly understand how hard this decision is for her to make and follow through with. Only He can know the pain she will feel and endure because of it. And Only He knows how His promises will be fulfilled. It's weird, but this whole experience, though watching it all from a distance, has taught me a lot... especially about Heavenly Father and my personal relationship with Him. I see those same fears and struggles in my own life as in my friend's... it just comes in different forms. But ultimately we each have to choose to give up our will for the Will of the Father and to trust in His eternal promises, even if it means giving up what we want right now. So now that I've had all these lessons and eternal truths reinforced in my life, I feel like Heavenly Father is going to put me to the test again. I'm not-so-secretly hoping He chooses to start small and work His way up to the really big doozies.

Sorry for rambling. But, in all fairness, it IS my blog.

Delightful Denver

My sister-in-law, Liz, just concluded her experience as a surrogate after delivering twins via cesarian a couple weeks ago. While I have much I could say in praise of her and her selfless actions (which I am convinced I couldn't do), this post centers around the REAL reason why I was called to Denver to help out over the last couple weeks: Lillian.

For anyone who knows Logan, it should not be too hard to imagine his daughter, Lilly. She IS DEFINITELY a Daddy's girl in EVERY sense. She looks like Logan's face was put on a black girl, expressions and all. She never stops moving. And despite not being quite able to say real words just yet, she never stops talking. We always warned Logan that karma would come to him via his children. And so it has! haha But in the best possible way. She is as sweet as she is feisty, and boy can she be feisty!

For anyone who knows me, you'll know that for having spent a total of one week with her over the 19 previous months of her life, I have been completely enchanted by my niece. She was born while I was on my mission, and I'd only been able to see her twice since I returned. So Tia Dana was more than happy to answer the call to care for Lilly for a couple weeks while Liz was in the hospital.

We had a blast! Seriously! I think one of my favorite moments was our dance party we had one night, just rocking out and giggling throughout the house. She would spin and spin and spin until she fell down from dizziness, and then ask me to pick her up and spin while she "recovered." It was in that moment, only two days in to my trip, that I knew Lilly and I would be great friends, not just distant family members that you love but don't really know. My heart melted and I was instantly hers. No matter the diapers, the tantrums, the meltdowns, the messes. I knew I wanted to be a part of it ALL, just so that I could be a part of her life forever. And I hope I am.

I imagine that's much how it feels to be a parent. Only with a lot less sleep and a lot more worries.

There are just no words to express how much I love this little girl. But maybe a few pictures will help supplement the language barrier.

And just so Liz and Logan don't feel left out, I thought I'd include a few shots of them from when we took pictures at the temple. Lilly so rudely decided that our planned photo shoot would be the ideal nap time. Figures.

Needless to say, it was a delightful two weeks with lots of bonding, among other things. And I miss that little munchkin (though she's not so little, measuring past my hips at only 20 months old) every minute. I especially miss her baby kisses, despite them becoming more open-mouthed each time. haha  Hasta Septiembre chiquita. Tu tia te quiere mija!!