True Grace

I cannot urge you emphatically enough to listen to this talk by Brad Wilcox. You won't be disappointed.

"Jesus doesn't make up the difference. Jesus makes ALL the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us."

This talk is full of eternal truths about the Atonement and our relationship with the Savior. And these true doctrines are exactly why I've decided to make this a Sabbatical year consecrated to the Lord. I need to make "learning heaven" much more of a priority in my life.

I hadn't heard this story before, and I absolutely love it! I'm grateful for the many sister missionaries who served before me, especially my mother. And I'm grateful for the mission I was able to serve. It has been one of the best things for my life, and I hope I'm a better person because of it.

I don't believe in coincidences.

Today I arrived in SS only to be told that there was no teacher and asked if I'd like to fill in. I knew what the lesson was supposed to be about, since I read it yesterday, but that was it. But I agreed.

In passing I mentioned how I'd read it and was a bit disappointed to find that the manual had skipped over some really great stories, including Abigail's. There were only 6 of us in the class, and the other members asked if I'd share her story instead.

So it turns out that I actually taught that lesson I was so disappointed not to have. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Perhaps there was someone there who was in need of that message. But since I NEVER read the lessons beforehand, it seems weird that I felt compelled to read it this week. And realizing what it skipped, for me to spend all morning yesterday re-studying that chapter (rather than the lesson) just because I love it. And feeling the need to write a post about it, which helped make sure that I would remember all the important points to draw out.

God is in even the simplest details of our lives, if we just let Him in. I'm grateful that He was able to make use of my personal study today. And I'm grateful for the Spirit I felt during our discussion.

"There are no such things as coincidences. Only miracles in which God wishes to remain anonymous." -Joseph Smith (if I remember correctly)

Yes.

Lessons from Abigail

I know that trying to cram the entire Old Testament into about 45-48 Sundays means that things are going to be left out. But the unfortunate part is that sometimes some of the best bits seem to fall by the way side. I went to read the lesson for this week, expecting it to be 1 Samuel 25--one of my most favorite chapters in all of the OT--only to find that the curriculum skips entirely over Abigail and goes directly to Bathsheba and immorality.

While I think the lessons we learn from David and Bathsheba are equally as important, I LOVE Abigail, and the lessons I've learned from studying this chapter have greatly impacted my life for the better. So since none of you will be getting this lesson in Sunday School, below are some of my favorite parts of 1 Samuel 25. But really, you should all go read and study it for yourselves!

First though, here's what's happening in the chapter:

David (whose just made peace with Saul after being chased all around the country) hears of a wealthy man named Nabal in Carmel from some of Nabal's shepherds that David and his men helped protect. David then sends some of his men in peace to Nabal's house seeking provisions... not unreasonable given their assistance to Nabal's servants, the Israelite culture of hospitality, Nabal's wealth, David's celebrity--albeit an impoverished one--status, not to mention that he was still technically a captain over King Saul's army. 

A view from Mt. Carmel, which is a limestone mountain that runs about 30 miles long in the NW of Israel, near the Mediterranean. A few other favorite OT stories took place here, so I was thrilled to have the opportunity to visit for myself while I lived in Israel.

However, when Nabal speaks to David's servants, he feigns ignorance, saying "Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse?" He refuses to give them food, which is a blatant slap in the face to David and a complete disregard of social rules and religious laws practiced at the time. No bueno. David is offended and reacts in anger. He and 400 of his men go up to fight against Nabal and his household.  

Meanwhile, Nabal's wife, Abigail, is told what her husband did to David's men. In her infinite wisdom she decides to intervene immediately, hoping to diffuse the situation before anyone gets hurt. 

She gathered as many provisions as she could (200 loaves, 2 bottles of wine, 5 sheep ready dressed, 5 measures parched corn, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 cakes of figs--no small feat to gather all of this so quickly, either!), and sent them with her servants to intercept David and his men, with her following behind them. 

In my opinion, this is when the story really starts getting good, and where I really start drawing all the life lessons from.

While this is a statue depicting Elijah killing the 400+ priests of Baal on Mt. Carmel, the image seemed appropriate  to help depict the story of David and Abigail and the lessons we learn from them. Call it creative license.

vs20: "David and his men came down against her; and she met them."

• When I find myself in the middle of a conflict (of any type or size), Do I 'come down against' or 'meet' the other person(s)?
• My attitude, or the way in which I say something, is often much more important than what I say. Even when I'm upset, afraid, hurt, or insecure, I can be kind. This is still something I constantly have to work on. But I've found a personal mantra to help remind me of this: "Never let a problem to be solved get in the way of a person to be loved." -President Monson 

vs.23-24, 28 "And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid. ...I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the Lord, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days."

• In everything she does, Abigail acts quickly. She doesn't allow time for the offense to fester and the situation to escalate. Definitely something I need to work on.
• Though the wife of a wealthy man, she bows herself to the ground before David in the ultimate demonstration of humility. Abigail chooses to be completely meek and humble, not worrying about who is right or wrong. She doesn't try to justify her husband, but merely acknowledges David's point of view. Here's that whole subject of empathy again...
• In this moment, Abigail is a type of Christ. Though completely innocent, she asks to take upon herself Nabal's sins, and then seeks David's forgiveness.
• David does forgive her. How could he not? She was completely innocent and offering him everything she had. If he had refused her offering, it would be like refusing to forgive someone because the Savior's Atonement isn't good enough for their sins. Do I ever do this?

vs.32-34 "And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: And blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand. For in very deed, as the Lord God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall." 

• David was intending to kill every male member of Nabal's household, and he surely would have if Abigail had not intervened.
• Abigail did not only save her house, but she also saved David from staining his hands without a cause. She helped him be able to repent and humble himself, which then made it possible for the Lord to step in, serve His justice, and fight David's battles for him. [A few verses later, Nabal is stricken by the Lord and dies, and Abigail marries David.] 
• Do my actions during a conflict invite/allow the other party to be repentant and humble? Or do my responses encourage defensiveness and pride? 
• Do I give the Lord a chance to fight my battles for me? 
• Do I invite and apply the Atonement in all aspects of my life and my relationships with others?

Still on the top of Mt. Carmel, looking over the Jezreel Valley. It was SO WINDY that day!

I've always been a strong advocate for communication in relationships, but this story demonstrates the importance of HOW we communicate, and the potential for a "soft answer to [turn] away wrath", as my previous post discussed. It also teaches us about engaging in conflict, kindness, forgiveness, and applying the Atonement personally and in our relationships. Perhaps now you might understand why this chapter is one of my favorites. And why I think it's such a shame to skip over it in SS class.

I'm not sure why these topics keep coming up... Since I don't really see or talk to anyone these days, I don't have much communication with others, let alone conflict. But either the Lord is reminding me of all these lessons about empathy, love, and communication for something in my own life I'm not yet aware of, or He's preparing me to help someone else. Either way, I'm grateful for the Spirit and the lessons He teaches me, and I pray that I can do better at giving heed and applying them.

This morning during my personal study I focused on Elder W. Craig Zwick's talk from April 2014 General Conference, 'What Are You Thinking?'

This wasn't one of the talks that originally stood out to me much during Conference weekend, but perhaps because the topic of empathy has been on my mind lately, he said a few things that especially touched me.

I won't regurgitate the entire talk, because you really should watch it for yourselves!

But there were a few memorable messages from his words that I'd like to remember.

• "A 'soft answer' [see Prov 15:1] consists of a reasoned response--disciplined words from a humble heart. It does not mean we never speak directly... Words that may be firm in information can be soft in spirit."

• Lehi gave us an example of how to respond with empathy (1 Nephi 5: 2-6):

1. Listen
2. Make a disciplined response in the language of compassion
1. Own the truth of what things look like from the other's perspective
2. Address the other's fears

• "Practice asking this question, with tender regard for another's experience: 'What are you thinking?'"

• "The willingness to see through each other's eyes will transform 'corrupt communication' into 'ministering grace.' ...It may not change or solve the problem, but the more important possibility may be whether ministering grace could change us."

• "We can 'minister grace' through compassionate language when the cultivated gift of the Holy Ghost pierces our hearts with empathy for the feelings and context of others."

See? You really SHOULD watch it! I know this counsel will bless my life as I try to apply it.

With some of my trials I've had the distinct impression that if I could overcome it, I would be better equipped to help others through similar trials with love and empathy. However, some of my trials are just hard and it never occurs to me that one day it will be an experience that I can use to help someone else.

Ending my mission early was one of those experiences. I knew it was what the Lord wanted, so once the decision was made, the struggle was gone. And now, I don't even think of it as a trial. In fact, I don't really think of it at all. The Spirit has confirmed to me again and again that I fully completed my mission, so I don't even think about 'what ifs'. 

This morning, however, one of my favorite sister missionaries here in England called me up because I was the only one she could think of to help her. I haven't seen this sister since she was transferred out of my ward several months ago, so I was both delighted and immediately alarmed to hear her voice. 

She's struggling with some severe health issues and she needs to make a decision about going home. Looking back, it's probably no coincidence that she's one of the few people here in England I've talked to about my own health struggles on the mission. Heavenly Father works in the most wonderful ways to help each of us meet people who can help us at critical moments in our lives. Although I had no idea that my own experience with this would one day be called upon to help another, I am grateful that she thought to call me. And even if I didn't say any words that will help her, I hope I was able to say it in a way that could. Sometimes empathy and love is all we need when we are struggling. At least I know I do. 

Empathy is hard because we have to be vulnerable WITH someone in their struggles, rather than just feeling sorry for them from a safe emotional distance. Here's a great clip that explains what I mean:

I still need a lot of practice, but over the last year I've come to realize how crucial empathy is in all aspects of my life. So I'm going to make this another goal for my Sabbatical year.

She's also determined to keep trying, no matter how many times it takes. I have a lot to learn from her.

Look at how happy she is at the end. But I think she's actually happier about her father's reaction than she is about her success. #daddysgirl

This girl is fearless. Not even 3 yet, and she's already been on a ride by herself. So much like her father (the white man photobombing in the background). I miss her.

Look at her! Pure bliss.

Trust

This morning I was listening to Elder Richard G. Scott's talk from April 2014 General Conference, 'I Have Given You an Example.' I was really touched by some things that he said, but none more than his comments on trust.

"Remember, loving them is the powerful foundation for influencing those you want to help.... As a companion to that love, trust them. In some cases it may seem difficult to trust, but find some way to trust them. The children of Father in Heaven can do amazing things when they feel trusted."

I've always felt like the one thing I do really well is loving others. But trust? Nope. I have major trust issues. It usually takes me a long time to take down enough of my walls to truly trust someone. Even with people I love. That's probably one of the reasons why I'm so stubbornly independent and find it so hard to ask for and receive help from others. It's also probably why I'm so good at helping others with their dating lives but completely rubbish at my own. But that's a dark rabbit hole for another time.

The point is: I really need to figure out a way to increase my ability to trust people. Obviously by practicing. But how do you actively trust someone? I need to study this out and think about it some more before I can come up with some specific answers for myself. And no doubt I will be adding this to my list of 'Sabbatical Year' goals. But perhaps some of you might have ideas based on your own experiences. I'd love to hear them if you do!