So my internship with WVN has been amazing so far! My supervisor is very enthusiastic, and has been thrilled with everything I've done so far... which has been a HUGE confidence boost after my 300+ job applications have all ended in rejection. This has been a great way for me to get my foot in the door, while maintaining the flexibility in hours and location that I've needed over the last couple months.
I'm in charge of Partnerships and Outreach, but I'm still just an intern, and I've only been with them for about 6 weeks. I have been under the impression that I am only in charge of preliminary research of potential partners, initial contact with them, and then the liaison between WVN and our partners, which is enough to be a full-time job in and of itself.
Last week I finally started contacting organizations from my exponentially growing list. Today I heard back from a group that was in my top 5 of "Must-Haves" for WVN partners. They are interested and want to chat more! So I forwarded the response to my supervisor, the executive director, and figured she'd take it from there.
Nope. She wants ME to negotiate the partnership. This HUGE opportunity that could help catapult WVN onto the main stage of NGOs... and I'M IN CHARGE?! hahahaha Yep. I'm terrified. I'm a VOLUNTEER INTERN who has only been with WVN for 6 weeks. I've never even met anyone from WVN in person. Never participated in one of our projects. Never observed the details of a partnership behind the scenes. Never negotiated anything other than baptismal dates and nap times with stubborn investigators and cranky children, respectively.
Yep, way out of my league. And way above my pay grade.
22 April 2013
06 April 2013
If General Conference were a holiday...
...it would definitely be my favorite.
There is NOTHING on earth like gathering with all the Saints worldwide to figuratively sit at the feet of God's living prophet, apostles, and other specially called general authorities to learn what He would have us know, do and be at this specific time on earth. The Spirit of God is always palpable, and I find myself spiritually bingeing during the entire weekend... like a sponge trying to soak up all the water from a fire hose. It's not possible, but I still try.
But one of the most miraculous parts about modern technology is that I can revisit the powerful messages shared during General Conference as often as I would like. So now my sponge can stay as saturated as I want, constantly soaking up personal revelation dripping from the fountain of the Word of God.
The more the world starves itself of feeling the Spirit and the love of God, the more God tries to pour out upon us. And He does so through His living Prophet and Apostles.
I think the only things that God keeps truly "secret" from His children, individually and collectively, are those things which we don't allow Him to tell us, or to which we refuse to listen. But that doesn't stop God from trying to teach and share with us. Rather, He calls a Prophet whom He can trust completely to be His mouthpiece to the world, to work tirelessly to teach, guide, serve, and love His children here upon the earth. In this way, God is able to teach and guide His children, while simultaneously testing our ability to have faith in His plan and trust in whom He calls as His servants.
In all His goodness and mercy, He also promises to answer our sincere personal prayers. With the calling of every new prophet and apostle that I have lived through, I have prayed diligently to know for myself if he was truly called of God. God has never failed to answer me through the Holy Ghost, beyond any shadow of a doubt. It is this process which has blessed me to gain a very personal testimony of the sacred calling which these men have received from God, and which has allowed me to act in faith in an effort to follow their counsel.
For those who know me, they know that I definitely have a rebellious streak. I have never been forced to do something as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I have not wanted to do. I have personally read and studied the Holy Scriptures, searching the Word of God and His prophets, for countless hours over the years. I have prayed and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father in seeking my personal testimony and confirmation on my own decisions. I keep the Lord's commandments because I LOVE Him, and for no other reason. Well, the blessings I receive in return are pretty encouraging, too... ;) It seems that everywhere I have lived, I have met people who seem flabbergasted that I actually WANT to remain chaste before marriage or refrain from drinking alcohol or pay my tithing. But if they knew our Heavenly Father like I have come to know Him, if they comprehended our divine nature, if they understood God's incredible plan for His children, I am confident that they, too, would WANT to do all He asks of us. It's actually quite *liberating* to live a life free from the influence of harmful substances and full of the confidence that comes from knowing who I am and owning my ability to choose, not to mention the windows of heaven continuously pouring out blessings upon me... you won't hear me complaining about that. :)
The Apostle Paul expressed my testimony better than I probably ever could:
I apologize for the short novella it took for me to make my point. haha
There is NOTHING on earth like gathering with all the Saints worldwide to figuratively sit at the feet of God's living prophet, apostles, and other specially called general authorities to learn what He would have us know, do and be at this specific time on earth. The Spirit of God is always palpable, and I find myself spiritually bingeing during the entire weekend... like a sponge trying to soak up all the water from a fire hose. It's not possible, but I still try.
But one of the most miraculous parts about modern technology is that I can revisit the powerful messages shared during General Conference as often as I would like. So now my sponge can stay as saturated as I want, constantly soaking up personal revelation dripping from the fountain of the Word of God.
The more the world starves itself of feeling the Spirit and the love of God, the more God tries to pour out upon us. And He does so through His living Prophet and Apostles.
"Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets."-Amos 3:7(Obviously, in this scripture the "secret" the Lord reveals to His prophets is the Fulness of His Gospel, but for my purposes I'm going to digress.)
I think the only things that God keeps truly "secret" from His children, individually and collectively, are those things which we don't allow Him to tell us, or to which we refuse to listen. But that doesn't stop God from trying to teach and share with us. Rather, He calls a Prophet whom He can trust completely to be His mouthpiece to the world, to work tirelessly to teach, guide, serve, and love His children here upon the earth. In this way, God is able to teach and guide His children, while simultaneously testing our ability to have faith in His plan and trust in whom He calls as His servants.
In all His goodness and mercy, He also promises to answer our sincere personal prayers. With the calling of every new prophet and apostle that I have lived through, I have prayed diligently to know for myself if he was truly called of God. God has never failed to answer me through the Holy Ghost, beyond any shadow of a doubt. It is this process which has blessed me to gain a very personal testimony of the sacred calling which these men have received from God, and which has allowed me to act in faith in an effort to follow their counsel.
For those who know me, they know that I definitely have a rebellious streak. I have never been forced to do something as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I have not wanted to do. I have personally read and studied the Holy Scriptures, searching the Word of God and His prophets, for countless hours over the years. I have prayed and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father in seeking my personal testimony and confirmation on my own decisions. I keep the Lord's commandments because I LOVE Him, and for no other reason. Well, the blessings I receive in return are pretty encouraging, too... ;) It seems that everywhere I have lived, I have met people who seem flabbergasted that I actually WANT to remain chaste before marriage or refrain from drinking alcohol or pay my tithing. But if they knew our Heavenly Father like I have come to know Him, if they comprehended our divine nature, if they understood God's incredible plan for His children, I am confident that they, too, would WANT to do all He asks of us. It's actually quite *liberating* to live a life free from the influence of harmful substances and full of the confidence that comes from knowing who I am and owning my ability to choose, not to mention the windows of heaven continuously pouring out blessings upon me... you won't hear me complaining about that. :)
The Apostle Paul expressed my testimony better than I probably ever could:
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?Having a living Prophet on the earth is not a way to separate us from our Heavenly Father or having daily personal communion with Him. Rather, it's one of the countless ways that He has decided to manifest and prove His love for all His children. Seen from this viewpoint, General Conference is like Christmas, New Years, Easter, my birthday, and my mission all rolled into one for me. All the love, peace, personal revelation, self introspection, and extreme joy that comes with each one of those all wrapped up into 2 glorious weekends a year. So yes, if General Conference were a holiday, it would definitely be my favorite.
"Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
"Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:35, 37-39
I apologize for the short novella it took for me to make my point. haha
01 April 2013
The Decision and What Followed
What a wonderful experience to finally have something important to decide once more! No words in any language that I know can express how truly humbled and grateful I felt after being accepted into both graduate programs that I loved. University of Birmingham and University of Manchester are both fantastic schools, both ranked in the top 400 universities in the world and the top 25 in the UK. (Yes, both schools are in England.) And both of the programs that I applied to are stellar. So I was a little overwhelmed with how to choose! (And yet so grateful that I COULD choose!)
Of course my brother Skylar served in the Manchester Mission, and therefore could help me in a lot of ways with info, contacts, etc. That was a huge plus! However, the program at Birmingham includes an individual fieldwork component as part of my dissertation research. Everyone in the NGO world can tell you that hands-on field experience goes a L O N G way when it comes to job searching. And seeing as how I've technically been unemployed since January 2011, increased employability is a HUMUNGOUS plus. I spent hours researching both programs, schools, professors and staff, scholarships, cities, attractions, institutes, distances to all the family history sites I hope to visit, etc. I made lists. LOTS of LISTS. And as I felt myself pulled in one direction more than another, I made my decision and prayed about it. I felt fine... nothing earth-shattering or spectacularly confirming after praying. So I let it marinate in my mind and heart for a few days. While doing that, I talked to Skylar, and a few other friends who have studied in the UK or currently work in the nonprofit world. I REALLY wanted to make the BEST decision for ME. And I realized I was still leaning towards that same school. So I concluded that was my decision. I prayed and fasted and attended the temple before clicking on that "Accept Offer" button, just to make sure. Then one night I had a dream where I was telling a bunch of strangers where I was going to grad school. When I woke up, any residual doubt had been swept away and I accepted the offer that morning.
So WHERE, you ask, am I going to grad school? The University of Birmingham!!! My course is the MSc in International Development (Conflict, Security, and Development pathway). It starts 30 September 2013, and takes one year to complete. Despite being the more difficult option in most aspects, it is the program and school and city that best fit with my needs. And I've never shied away from doing hard things before, so I'm certainly not going to start now!
Since accepting the offer I have dived into a flurry of activity filling out forms and paperwork for all sorts of details. I have also started my part-time, volunteer internship with Women's Voices Now as their Partnership and Outreach representative. Thankfully I do it from home, so it is super flexible with all my travels over the next several weeks. I'm LOVING it! It is an organization that I can endorse without reservation. You should all check it out! www.womensvoicesnow.org. They have an online Film Festival as a continuation of the short-film festival event they hosted last year, so all the short-films are available to watch for free on their website. My job is to research organizations and individuals that could potentially be great partners for WVN, develop a Potential Partner info packet, contact them, and be the WVN representative to work with them once they become partners. No small task for a lowly intern, but I'm stoked! I'm still in the research and development phase, but it's going well so far. Though I will admit to spending about 5x longer than I was told to per week working on it. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to do the best job I can, for both our sakes, right?
Needless to say, life over the last month has picked up significantly, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it!
Of course my brother Skylar served in the Manchester Mission, and therefore could help me in a lot of ways with info, contacts, etc. That was a huge plus! However, the program at Birmingham includes an individual fieldwork component as part of my dissertation research. Everyone in the NGO world can tell you that hands-on field experience goes a L O N G way when it comes to job searching. And seeing as how I've technically been unemployed since January 2011, increased employability is a HUMUNGOUS plus. I spent hours researching both programs, schools, professors and staff, scholarships, cities, attractions, institutes, distances to all the family history sites I hope to visit, etc. I made lists. LOTS of LISTS. And as I felt myself pulled in one direction more than another, I made my decision and prayed about it. I felt fine... nothing earth-shattering or spectacularly confirming after praying. So I let it marinate in my mind and heart for a few days. While doing that, I talked to Skylar, and a few other friends who have studied in the UK or currently work in the nonprofit world. I REALLY wanted to make the BEST decision for ME. And I realized I was still leaning towards that same school. So I concluded that was my decision. I prayed and fasted and attended the temple before clicking on that "Accept Offer" button, just to make sure. Then one night I had a dream where I was telling a bunch of strangers where I was going to grad school. When I woke up, any residual doubt had been swept away and I accepted the offer that morning.
So WHERE, you ask, am I going to grad school? The University of Birmingham!!! My course is the MSc in International Development (Conflict, Security, and Development pathway). It starts 30 September 2013, and takes one year to complete. Despite being the more difficult option in most aspects, it is the program and school and city that best fit with my needs. And I've never shied away from doing hard things before, so I'm certainly not going to start now!
Since accepting the offer I have dived into a flurry of activity filling out forms and paperwork for all sorts of details. I have also started my part-time, volunteer internship with Women's Voices Now as their Partnership and Outreach representative. Thankfully I do it from home, so it is super flexible with all my travels over the next several weeks. I'm LOVING it! It is an organization that I can endorse without reservation. You should all check it out! www.womensvoicesnow.org. They have an online Film Festival as a continuation of the short-film festival event they hosted last year, so all the short-films are available to watch for free on their website. My job is to research organizations and individuals that could potentially be great partners for WVN, develop a Potential Partner info packet, contact them, and be the WVN representative to work with them once they become partners. No small task for a lowly intern, but I'm stoked! I'm still in the research and development phase, but it's going well so far. Though I will admit to spending about 5x longer than I was told to per week working on it. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to do the best job I can, for both our sakes, right?
Needless to say, life over the last month has picked up significantly, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it!
31 March 2013
But He Held His Peace
In preparation for graduate school and with the assumption that I will be spending countless hours reading academic and theoretical writings, I decided to make a summer reading list to get in the mode of reading such texts. My first step was to scour my step-father's bookshelves to see if there were any readings applicable to conflict, security, world affairs, biographies of certain people, etc. Lucky for me his library is extensive and quite varied, so I found a few. (Thanks, Bob! P.S. Hope you don't mind I'm reading your books! haha)
The first book I read was My Hope for Peace by Jehan Sadat, the widow of Anwar Sadat (Egypt's former president who was assassinated by radicals who disagreed with his efforts to make peace with Israel). It was wonderful! It was a great refresher course on certain points of Islam, which I have previously studied, as well as a semi autobiographical look on how she lived and viewed her husband's peace policies, and how they have shaped her current role as peace activist and professor. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
This week I read The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute, which was absolutely fascinating! It breaks down principles of conflict and peace and teaches their application on personal, familial, and global scales. In a lot of ways I think it took basic Gospel principles and put it into nonreligious language, so I found a LOT of truth in what I learned. But it also took abstract concepts like overcoming certain personal weaknesses and put them into concrete ways of self-evaluation, which I find enormously helpful. The basis of everything it teaches is that there are two ways of being: having a heart at war or having a heart at peace. And you can do basically anything and everything with either way of being, though the outcome can differ drastically. I know that doesn't seem to make too much sense but if I describe it any more in depth you might not go out and read it. And you really should read it!
The main reason why I wanted to share that tidbit in particular is because of something else I read this week. In honor of the Holy Week and Easter I was reading the accounts of the Savior's last week in the Gospels. I came upon something that really resonated with me this time, because of everything else I've been learning.
In the middle of Mark's account of Jesus' trial with the High Priest (Caiaphas), Mark records, "But he held his peace..." (Mark 14:61).
That simple description suddenly means SO much more to me than just Christ refusing to answer Caiaphas' questions. I now understand it to mean that His heart was at peace despite being in the middle of a terrible conflict upon which His life depended (and ours' too for that matter!). I know that seems obvious, but in the context of having just read that book, I was able to look at this in a whole new way and see Christ yet again as the perfect example to understanding a new principle. Really, it is so cool. So you all need to go read this book (only took me a few days) and then go read in Mark 14. THEN you will be able to fully comprehend and appreciate how cool it really is. :)
Honestly I LOVE making those "text-to-text" connections (Erika would be so proud!) because it helps me remember and appreciate both lessons so much better. And I just LOVE that I'm constantly finding new ways of applying the scriptures in my own life. They really were written for our day!
The first book I read was My Hope for Peace by Jehan Sadat, the widow of Anwar Sadat (Egypt's former president who was assassinated by radicals who disagreed with his efforts to make peace with Israel). It was wonderful! It was a great refresher course on certain points of Islam, which I have previously studied, as well as a semi autobiographical look on how she lived and viewed her husband's peace policies, and how they have shaped her current role as peace activist and professor. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
This week I read The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute, which was absolutely fascinating! It breaks down principles of conflict and peace and teaches their application on personal, familial, and global scales. In a lot of ways I think it took basic Gospel principles and put it into nonreligious language, so I found a LOT of truth in what I learned. But it also took abstract concepts like overcoming certain personal weaknesses and put them into concrete ways of self-evaluation, which I find enormously helpful. The basis of everything it teaches is that there are two ways of being: having a heart at war or having a heart at peace. And you can do basically anything and everything with either way of being, though the outcome can differ drastically. I know that doesn't seem to make too much sense but if I describe it any more in depth you might not go out and read it. And you really should read it!
The main reason why I wanted to share that tidbit in particular is because of something else I read this week. In honor of the Holy Week and Easter I was reading the accounts of the Savior's last week in the Gospels. I came upon something that really resonated with me this time, because of everything else I've been learning.
In the middle of Mark's account of Jesus' trial with the High Priest (Caiaphas), Mark records, "But he held his peace..." (Mark 14:61).
That simple description suddenly means SO much more to me than just Christ refusing to answer Caiaphas' questions. I now understand it to mean that His heart was at peace despite being in the middle of a terrible conflict upon which His life depended (and ours' too for that matter!). I know that seems obvious, but in the context of having just read that book, I was able to look at this in a whole new way and see Christ yet again as the perfect example to understanding a new principle. Really, it is so cool. So you all need to go read this book (only took me a few days) and then go read in Mark 14. THEN you will be able to fully comprehend and appreciate how cool it really is. :)
Honestly I LOVE making those "text-to-text" connections (Erika would be so proud!) because it helps me remember and appreciate both lessons so much better. And I just LOVE that I'm constantly finding new ways of applying the scriptures in my own life. They really were written for our day!
Miracles at Macey's?
Some of the best experiences are the unexpected ones. Anyone who knows me can attest to the seemingly randomness of my life, but I learned along time ago that nothing is really random. I believe that coincidences are just the small miracles in which God wishes to remain anonymous.
Yesterday I had one of those unexpected, random, small miracles. I needed to get groceries, so I started driving to Smith's. At the last possible moment I turned to go to Macey's instead, which I haven't been to since I went to BYU. It is always a madhouse and I avoid it at all costs whenever I visit Provo. So why did I decide to go to Macey's? I regretted it as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. But I was already there so I braced myself and went in.
After at least 35-40 min of not-so-skillful maneuvering around people to reach what I wanted, I headed towards the checkout. This cute little Latina stopped me and asked if I spoke Spanish. I replied that I did. She then asked me if I was LDS, to which I responded in the affirmative. She smiled and started asking me questions about me and my family, my schooling, my mission, etc. After about 10 minutes, she asked if I could give her a ride to BYU. Sure, why not. I didn't have any groceries that I needed to get home immediately. And BYU was 5 minutes away.
So I checked out and we walked to the car I had borrowed from my aunt to go grocery shopping. As we headed to BYU, she then asked if I could wait for her and take her home. "Where do you live?" "Springville." hahaha Uh sure...I can get her to Springville... but only she can tell me how to get to her house. And my terrible Spanish has to be able to understand any directions she does give. Well, good thing I like adventures!
So after waiting for her at BYU for about 10 minutes, we set off for Springville. I learned a little more about her, and she re-asked all the questions she'd asked me at Macey's about my family and all the missions we've served. Her name was Pastora Esperanza (in English it means "Shepherdess Hope"), and she was from Honduras. She joined the church 30 years ago there after meeting the missionaries one day. She read the Book of Mormon in 3 days and was baptized the next week. She never married or had any children, but she came to the US to live with her sister's family about 24 years ago. Her faith and trust in the Lord was visible, even just in her trusting me based on my membership in the Church. I was certainly touched and uplifted by her sweet spirit, and I was grateful that I'd agreed to take her home to Springville. Not only was I able to get to know her better, but I was able to help this sweet sister in such a simple way. And don't worry. We made it to her house with surprising ease!
I wish I could say that I'd been searching for the opportunity to help someone. But the truth is, I needed to be pulled out of my thoughts by a complete stranger and directly asked to serve. Too often I pray for the chance to serve someone, but then I go about my day and my business with blinders on. I'm grateful for the reminder of how wonderful service is, and how I need to be more vigilant and purposeful in finding and taking the opportunities to serve others. I don't know if I was "meant" to be at Macey's to meet Hermana Pastora, or if something caused her to talk to me instead of the people in front of or behind me, but I'm grateful that I was and that she did. And I'm grateful that I didn't blow the opportunity to serve this time. My day was definitely made all the better by meeting Hermana Pastora, and I hope she feels the same about me!
Yesterday I had one of those unexpected, random, small miracles. I needed to get groceries, so I started driving to Smith's. At the last possible moment I turned to go to Macey's instead, which I haven't been to since I went to BYU. It is always a madhouse and I avoid it at all costs whenever I visit Provo. So why did I decide to go to Macey's? I regretted it as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. But I was already there so I braced myself and went in.
After at least 35-40 min of not-so-skillful maneuvering around people to reach what I wanted, I headed towards the checkout. This cute little Latina stopped me and asked if I spoke Spanish. I replied that I did. She then asked me if I was LDS, to which I responded in the affirmative. She smiled and started asking me questions about me and my family, my schooling, my mission, etc. After about 10 minutes, she asked if I could give her a ride to BYU. Sure, why not. I didn't have any groceries that I needed to get home immediately. And BYU was 5 minutes away.
So I checked out and we walked to the car I had borrowed from my aunt to go grocery shopping. As we headed to BYU, she then asked if I could wait for her and take her home. "Where do you live?" "Springville." hahaha Uh sure...I can get her to Springville... but only she can tell me how to get to her house. And my terrible Spanish has to be able to understand any directions she does give. Well, good thing I like adventures!
So after waiting for her at BYU for about 10 minutes, we set off for Springville. I learned a little more about her, and she re-asked all the questions she'd asked me at Macey's about my family and all the missions we've served. Her name was Pastora Esperanza (in English it means "Shepherdess Hope"), and she was from Honduras. She joined the church 30 years ago there after meeting the missionaries one day. She read the Book of Mormon in 3 days and was baptized the next week. She never married or had any children, but she came to the US to live with her sister's family about 24 years ago. Her faith and trust in the Lord was visible, even just in her trusting me based on my membership in the Church. I was certainly touched and uplifted by her sweet spirit, and I was grateful that I'd agreed to take her home to Springville. Not only was I able to get to know her better, but I was able to help this sweet sister in such a simple way. And don't worry. We made it to her house with surprising ease!
I wish I could say that I'd been searching for the opportunity to help someone. But the truth is, I needed to be pulled out of my thoughts by a complete stranger and directly asked to serve. Too often I pray for the chance to serve someone, but then I go about my day and my business with blinders on. I'm grateful for the reminder of how wonderful service is, and how I need to be more vigilant and purposeful in finding and taking the opportunities to serve others. I don't know if I was "meant" to be at Macey's to meet Hermana Pastora, or if something caused her to talk to me instead of the people in front of or behind me, but I'm grateful that I was and that she did. And I'm grateful that I didn't blow the opportunity to serve this time. My day was definitely made all the better by meeting Hermana Pastora, and I hope she feels the same about me!
Crossing Oceans and Seeing the Promised Land
So from the moment I had this experience I knew it was one I needed to share, mostly for my own sake because I don't ever want to forget how merciful the Lord was in this moment of my life. However I don't know how to tell it without first giving it some context.
Over the last few months I've had several job interviews, all of which have gone very well. And all of which are eventually followed up by an email or voicemail telling me that someone else has been hired but I'm at the top of their list if for some reason that person doesn't work out. Of course I've felt disappointed, but surprisingly enough, never distraught or worried about my seemingly perpetual unsettled, unemployed state. I have come to recognize this as a huge tender mercy in its own right, because I tend to fret about money and plans and the lack of both. So, Big Fat Blessing (BFB) #1.
At the end of February, I interviewed for a job that I was IN LOVE with. If I could create my dream job, it would probably look like that one. And the interview was fantastic! I loved them, they loved me! We had a grand time and talked for almost an hour. Seriously, it was probably the best interview I've ever had. Period. And they ended the interview in such a way that definitely led me to believe that I would be hired. And I was SO EXCITED! I thought that surely this must've been the job that Heavenly Father had been saving me for.
Well, it wasn't. I didn't get it. And for the first time in about 6 months, I felt a wave of discouragement and maybe even a brief moment of despair as I contemplated what on earth I am doing with my life, or not doing, rather. I prayed, and pleaded, that Heavenly Father would help me find something else... that SOMEHOW and SOME WAY my life would be able to progress.
Then I opened my scriptures and started reading where I left off the night before. Ether 6 in the Book of Mormon. It has always been one of my favorite chapters because the symbolism and imagery is so powerful, and I have often felt akin to the Jaredites being tossed upon the waves and buried in the deep, and yet somehow always heading for the promised land. Well, one verse jumped out at me that I'd never paid much attention to before:
"And thus they were driven forth, three hundred and forty and four days upon the water." -Ether 6:11
344 days! That's a L O N G time to be stuck in a barge. Suddenly I realized that I probably have been home from my mission, and symbolically stuck in my barge, for about that long. I decided to count it out. It turns out that my 344th day home will be 13 April. I decided that if the Jaredites could do it, so can I. Receiving personal revelation=BFB #2. So what did I do?
I prayed. Again. And I may or may not have given the Lord a deadline... (Not a technique I normally advocate haha) I asked Him to throw me a bone by April 13... a job, a calling, a volunteer opportunity, getting into grad school, moving somewhere, a man, a new friend, SOMETHING. By April 13. It was 6 weeks away, so I felt that was plenty of time for the Lord to help me find something new. I was being perfectly reasonable. (As long as you don't consider one setting the date of when she might snap as unreasonable...haha). And I fell asleep completely at peace about life.
I woke up the next morning with the Travis Tritt song "It's a Great Day to Be Alive" playing in my head. And for some reason I was convinced that it really WAS (BFB#3). I felt a strong desire to read my scriptures first thing. So I did (BFB #4). While reading, my phone beeped that I had a new email. Turns out it was from the director of Women's Voices Now telling me how stoked she was to get my application for their internship because I'm more than perfect for the position. WOW!!! That has never happened to me, and certainly not anytime recently (BFB #5). She asked some questions about my availability and I responded immediately. Then I left my phone on the other side of the room and went back to finish reading, so happy and incredibly grateful for this bone I was being thrown. And I didn't even have to wait til April 13 to get it!
My phone went off again and I assumed it was the same woman I'd responded to, so I decided to leave it. After I finished reading my scriptures I got dressed and ready for the day, totally forgetting about that second email. So about 45 minutes later I finally go and look at my phone. And to my great surprise, it was from the University of Birmingham offering me a place to study there next year (BFB #6)! I crumpled to the floor and wept like a baby. I was (and still very much am) SO HAPPY! SO RELIEVED! SO GRATEFUL! SO HUMBLED! SO OVERWHELMED by God's Goodness, Mercy, and Grace--even towards a daughter who tries to give Him deadlines. How did He respond to that deadline? He blessed me twice over with both an internship and grad school the very next morning!
As simple and personal as this experience was, it was further testimony to me that God lives, that He is MY Father, and that He knows me and my needs and abilities perfectly. He hears and answers our prayers, but according to His perfect timing, not ours. I hope we all can have a multitude of similar experiences where we allow ourselves to feel our Heavenly Father's love for us and recognize His answers to our prayers! Those Big Fat Blessings are all around us!
Over the last few months I've had several job interviews, all of which have gone very well. And all of which are eventually followed up by an email or voicemail telling me that someone else has been hired but I'm at the top of their list if for some reason that person doesn't work out. Of course I've felt disappointed, but surprisingly enough, never distraught or worried about my seemingly perpetual unsettled, unemployed state. I have come to recognize this as a huge tender mercy in its own right, because I tend to fret about money and plans and the lack of both. So, Big Fat Blessing (BFB) #1.
At the end of February, I interviewed for a job that I was IN LOVE with. If I could create my dream job, it would probably look like that one. And the interview was fantastic! I loved them, they loved me! We had a grand time and talked for almost an hour. Seriously, it was probably the best interview I've ever had. Period. And they ended the interview in such a way that definitely led me to believe that I would be hired. And I was SO EXCITED! I thought that surely this must've been the job that Heavenly Father had been saving me for.
Well, it wasn't. I didn't get it. And for the first time in about 6 months, I felt a wave of discouragement and maybe even a brief moment of despair as I contemplated what on earth I am doing with my life, or not doing, rather. I prayed, and pleaded, that Heavenly Father would help me find something else... that SOMEHOW and SOME WAY my life would be able to progress.
Then I opened my scriptures and started reading where I left off the night before. Ether 6 in the Book of Mormon. It has always been one of my favorite chapters because the symbolism and imagery is so powerful, and I have often felt akin to the Jaredites being tossed upon the waves and buried in the deep, and yet somehow always heading for the promised land. Well, one verse jumped out at me that I'd never paid much attention to before:
"And thus they were driven forth, three hundred and forty and four days upon the water." -Ether 6:11
344 days! That's a L O N G time to be stuck in a barge. Suddenly I realized that I probably have been home from my mission, and symbolically stuck in my barge, for about that long. I decided to count it out. It turns out that my 344th day home will be 13 April. I decided that if the Jaredites could do it, so can I. Receiving personal revelation=BFB #2. So what did I do?
I prayed. Again. And I may or may not have given the Lord a deadline... (Not a technique I normally advocate haha) I asked Him to throw me a bone by April 13... a job, a calling, a volunteer opportunity, getting into grad school, moving somewhere, a man, a new friend, SOMETHING. By April 13. It was 6 weeks away, so I felt that was plenty of time for the Lord to help me find something new. I was being perfectly reasonable. (As long as you don't consider one setting the date of when she might snap as unreasonable...haha). And I fell asleep completely at peace about life.
I woke up the next morning with the Travis Tritt song "It's a Great Day to Be Alive" playing in my head. And for some reason I was convinced that it really WAS (BFB#3). I felt a strong desire to read my scriptures first thing. So I did (BFB #4). While reading, my phone beeped that I had a new email. Turns out it was from the director of Women's Voices Now telling me how stoked she was to get my application for their internship because I'm more than perfect for the position. WOW!!! That has never happened to me, and certainly not anytime recently (BFB #5). She asked some questions about my availability and I responded immediately. Then I left my phone on the other side of the room and went back to finish reading, so happy and incredibly grateful for this bone I was being thrown. And I didn't even have to wait til April 13 to get it!
My phone went off again and I assumed it was the same woman I'd responded to, so I decided to leave it. After I finished reading my scriptures I got dressed and ready for the day, totally forgetting about that second email. So about 45 minutes later I finally go and look at my phone. And to my great surprise, it was from the University of Birmingham offering me a place to study there next year (BFB #6)! I crumpled to the floor and wept like a baby. I was (and still very much am) SO HAPPY! SO RELIEVED! SO GRATEFUL! SO HUMBLED! SO OVERWHELMED by God's Goodness, Mercy, and Grace--even towards a daughter who tries to give Him deadlines. How did He respond to that deadline? He blessed me twice over with both an internship and grad school the very next morning!
As simple and personal as this experience was, it was further testimony to me that God lives, that He is MY Father, and that He knows me and my needs and abilities perfectly. He hears and answers our prayers, but according to His perfect timing, not ours. I hope we all can have a multitude of similar experiences where we allow ourselves to feel our Heavenly Father's love for us and recognize His answers to our prayers! Those Big Fat Blessings are all around us!
13 January 2013
Did you know that Nutella is gluten-free?
So eating gluten-free isn't as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, I've thoroughly enjoyed experimenting so much with my food. I've tried much harder to have a balanced diet, focusing on all of the delicious foods I CAN eat, and that has been very rewarding. I've made different versions of polenta, quinoa, rice pudding, fried eggplant, sweet potato fries, mashed potatoes, a soup that I've affectionately dubbed "Spanglish soup," gluten-free bread, and gluten-free pancakes to name a few. I'm eating way more vegetables and learning how to make them taste good to me. But don't worry. I still allow myself to satisfy my sweet tooth. Did you know that Nutella is gluten-free? I didn't, but I'll forever be grateful it is! And so are peanut M&Ms... which is bad. Nutella at least offers a tiny bit of nutritional value. Rice pudding made with brown rice and vanilla almond milk with apples or blueberries? A little piece of heaven. And popcorn, trail mix, and pistachios have become wonderful snacks to get my munch on. So all in all, I have to say I've so far been pretty successful eating gluten-free. I've only slipped up twice. Last Sunday and today. On the Sacrament. For some reason my gluten-free brain still hasn't processed the fact that I need to take a morsel of GF bread or crackers or something with me for the Sacrament. And since it has slipped my mind both weeks, I've eaten a piece of the bread that is passed to everyone. But I don't consider the Sacrament cheating. I'm renewing covenants and cleansing my soul, so it's all for a good eternal purpose.
I wish I could say that going gluten-free has changed my life and I'm seeing SO much progress! But if truth be told, I can't. That has been the only discouraging part. I knew that gluten was not inflicting all of my pain, but I had hoped that after two weeks I would be able to see some difference. I'm going to stick with it, to see if the difference comes with more time. And if for nothing else because it's giving me something to do, some project to really focus my energy on. That has been a very welcome distraction! I'm starting to relate to Julie from the movie Julie & Julia. Everyday I wake up and I think/plan about what new things I'm going to make and eat that day. I have to alternate what types of food I eat so my body doesn't build up an intolerance to anything else, like corn, rice, or potatoes. My entire day has come to resolve around what I'm going to cook or eat from the leftovers, always rotating my meal base. It's like a really yummy game where I always win the prize of eating delicious food that is hopefully better for me!
I have started dreaming about food. Not even kidding. Actually, the last one I had a few days ago was me being trapped in a food court and grocery store that didn't sell anything gluten-free. I had a complete meltdown. In my dream. I woke up wondering if my subconscious is feeling deprived of gluten somehow, because I actually have not had even the slightest inkling of a meltdown. Yet. haha Hopefully my current excitement about food will continue, at least to some degree, even when I return to St. George in a few weeks. THAT will be the real test, because I'm going to have to make meals that Tanner will not only eat but enjoy.
I wish I could say that going gluten-free has changed my life and I'm seeing SO much progress! But if truth be told, I can't. That has been the only discouraging part. I knew that gluten was not inflicting all of my pain, but I had hoped that after two weeks I would be able to see some difference. I'm going to stick with it, to see if the difference comes with more time. And if for nothing else because it's giving me something to do, some project to really focus my energy on. That has been a very welcome distraction! I'm starting to relate to Julie from the movie Julie & Julia. Everyday I wake up and I think/plan about what new things I'm going to make and eat that day. I have to alternate what types of food I eat so my body doesn't build up an intolerance to anything else, like corn, rice, or potatoes. My entire day has come to resolve around what I'm going to cook or eat from the leftovers, always rotating my meal base. It's like a really yummy game where I always win the prize of eating delicious food that is hopefully better for me!
I have started dreaming about food. Not even kidding. Actually, the last one I had a few days ago was me being trapped in a food court and grocery store that didn't sell anything gluten-free. I had a complete meltdown. In my dream. I woke up wondering if my subconscious is feeling deprived of gluten somehow, because I actually have not had even the slightest inkling of a meltdown. Yet. haha Hopefully my current excitement about food will continue, at least to some degree, even when I return to St. George in a few weeks. THAT will be the real test, because I'm going to have to make meals that Tanner will not only eat but enjoy.
05 January 2013
Fixation? Passion? Addiction?
However you choose to label it, I'm OBSESSED with Family History work. I LOVE learning about my family--past and present. I love searching through documents, reading histories, examining photographs, and handling heirlooms. And I LOVE finding new names to take to the temple and perform ordinances on their behalf so that they, too, can be part of my eternal family. When I was younger my dad would say that I'd been bitten by the Spirit of Elijah. Well, now I guess I would have to say that it's almost consumed me. I cannot explain my fascination with my family, but I know that I have a deep love, admiration, and gratitude for each of them and my heart burns with the desire to know them.
The Church's new family history database, Family Tree, is INCREDIBLE. But it only encourages my addiction. Last night I worked on family history until 2am. My problem is that once I start working on a particular family line, I find it incredibly difficult to stop working until I've completed every person in that line. I don't want to lose my place. I don't want to forget anybody. I don't want to get distracted and not finish. I don't want to have all the information I've been gathering all evening to slip from my mind during a night's sleep. So instead, I don't sleep. Back in June, I actually pulled my first all-nighter since finals week at BYU working on Family History. I started at 11am and didn't stop until about 7am the next day. All because of the aforementioned fears. Last night I luckily was able to pull myself away when I realized my brain was ceasing to function properly. And then I noticed the glares from the dog that so eloquently sounded like "It is past my bedtime" and "Would you be so kind as to turn off the light and retire to your own room if you would stay awake?" complete with British accent, of course. When the dog starts speaking to me with a British accent via glares, I know it's time to call it a night. I subsequently dreamt in a bizarre sort of way about family history, and I vaguely remember some cameo appearances of some of my ancestors.
Basically what I'm trying to say is, "Hi. My name is Dana, and I am addicted to Family History."
The Church's new family history database, Family Tree, is INCREDIBLE. But it only encourages my addiction. Last night I worked on family history until 2am. My problem is that once I start working on a particular family line, I find it incredibly difficult to stop working until I've completed every person in that line. I don't want to lose my place. I don't want to forget anybody. I don't want to get distracted and not finish. I don't want to have all the information I've been gathering all evening to slip from my mind during a night's sleep. So instead, I don't sleep. Back in June, I actually pulled my first all-nighter since finals week at BYU working on Family History. I started at 11am and didn't stop until about 7am the next day. All because of the aforementioned fears. Last night I luckily was able to pull myself away when I realized my brain was ceasing to function properly. And then I noticed the glares from the dog that so eloquently sounded like "It is past my bedtime" and "Would you be so kind as to turn off the light and retire to your own room if you would stay awake?" complete with British accent, of course. When the dog starts speaking to me with a British accent via glares, I know it's time to call it a night. I subsequently dreamt in a bizarre sort of way about family history, and I vaguely remember some cameo appearances of some of my ancestors.
Basically what I'm trying to say is, "Hi. My name is Dana, and I am addicted to Family History."
Alum Ally
I'm going to divulge a small miraculous secret that will change your life. Well, it will change your life whenever you get a canker sore in your mouth. POWDERED ALUM. Yep, that spice used for pickling that no one ever seems to have in their pantry (because who pickles enough to buy alum these days?) Well, I don't. Pickle things, that is. But I DO use powdered alum whenever I get a bad canker sore. Mix a pinch of it with a couple drops of water to make a gritty pasty alum mixture and with your finger put it on your canker sores. It stings a bit, and it will definitely make you pucker (it isn't used for pickling for no reason...). But IT WORKS!!! You're basically pickling your canker sore into oblivion. Earlier in the week I was suffering from two massive canker sores, one on each corner of my mouth. It made it extremely difficult and painful to eat anything. So after all of my family members each replied that none of them had alum in their pantry of spices, I went and bought my own. It only took ONE APPLICATION of my pickle paste to clear up my canker sores. I'm NOT exaggerating. Within an hour I couldn't feel them at all! Miracle. So stop spending your money on all those silly pain relievers that numb your entire mouth but don't take away the canker sores. Spend the $3 on a tiny jar of powdered alum and use it for the next 10+ years. You won't regret it.
01 January 2013
Gluten-free is good for me.
I LOVE me so gluten. Or rather, I LOVE me all the things that contain gluten. I've learned enough about all of my health complications, however, that I know I really need to go gluten-free. It's expensive, and I am poor. It's challenging and sometimes limiting in social situations, and I've been too lazy and easy-going. It's true that I am in no immediate danger by consuming gluten. BUT I need to do all I can to keep my body as happy as possible. It's prone to fits of rage and long-term pouting, in the forms of searing pain, throbbing, and extreme fatigue. For those who know nothing about gluten, all of those symptoms can be aided by decreasing/cutting gluten from your diet. So I'm going to try it. I did it partially in July, but I was doing SO many other things that it's hard to know if it made a difference. But for the month of January, I'm going to do my absolute best to not consume any gluten. And I'm going to keep track of how my body reacts so I know if it helps enough to make it permanent. The idea of permanently being off gluten is a little overwhelming, so I'm starting with just 31 days. I can do ANYTHING for 31 days! And I'm sure if I can make it 31 days then I can make it a new lifestyle. For those interested in learning more about gluten and going gluten-free, here's a blog that I LOVE: http://glutenfreegirl.com. There are lots of them, but that's one of my favorites.
And heads up to all my friends and family I'll be seeing over the next month: when you invite me over for food or a party, PLEASE don't be offended that I bring my own dinner or snacks to enjoy in your company. Your food is ALL delicious! I LOVE food. Especially when it's free and made with so much love! But alas, my body is a gift from God. In fact, it's one of the reasons why I came to earth. So I need to learn how best to take care of it. So just enjoy my delightful company and don't worry about what I'm going to eat. I'll be doing enough of that on my own!
And heads up to all my friends and family I'll be seeing over the next month: when you invite me over for food or a party, PLEASE don't be offended that I bring my own dinner or snacks to enjoy in your company. Your food is ALL delicious! I LOVE food. Especially when it's free and made with so much love! But alas, my body is a gift from God. In fact, it's one of the reasons why I came to earth. So I need to learn how best to take care of it. So just enjoy my delightful company and don't worry about what I'm going to eat. I'll be doing enough of that on my own!
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